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Even though I lived right next to the beach when I live in America, I could not go to the beach since I was too busy for the college works. It was the toughest years for me in my life; 15 minutes to 2 hour sleep, not a time to eat foods, study almost 24 hours every day. I went to the beach when I truly depressed at night. Seating on the dark beach alone and just watching the deep ocean with listening to Elliott Smith's Going Nowhere for a while. While watching the see, I was keep thinking, "the horizon of the ocean is endlessly expanding, but why I feel going nowhere, or why I cannot going somewhere. " I kept asking the question to me for over 2 years, but I still cannot get the answer. Even though after I came to London, I feel going nowhere when I see the river or ocean. When I was a child, I though the ocean was like a treasure chest, and the only place I can feel comfortable or home. However, it changed as a symbol of depression for me. I think ocean symbolize myself. I changed as a grow up, the meaning of ocean for me changed.  If I change, it will change. 

© Tsugumi Someya, all rights reserved